What have I learnt ?

Since my last post....

I've seen new places, met new people, spoke new languages, ate new cuisines, embraced new culture, tasted new liquor, wore new perceptions, experienced new levels of greed and avarice, engaged with nothingness, appreciated daftness, and did nothing worthwhile that can be penned down...

Apart from...

Learning to fill in an immigration form, remembering to get in from the right door in a car to not be in the driver's seat, learning to be patient in traffic which gets stalled for an easy 3 to 4 hours... and oh yes... learnt how to file a property irregularity report with an airline when your luggage does not catch the same flight as yours and reaches Bermuda Triangle (Because the airline that checks in the luggage says -  " Sir, I am so sorry, we cant trace your luggage... " )

More importantly...

I've learnt, that I have forgotten to believe.
I've learnt that I have forgotten, how it feels to be at peace.
I've learnt on how it feels to be in constant disbelief.
I've learnt how it feels to be back-stabbed by someone you respected like GOD.
I've learnt to smile, talk, live, hang out with people who have and will back stab you at the first opportunity they get.

Forget reading between the lines, I have learnt the art of comprehending what is coming towards you, when something else is being promised to you...

I've learnt to camouflage a smile when I didn't want to... I've learnt to speak when I wanted to stay numb...
I've learnt to portray peace while a pandemonium was rampant inside my heart...

I've learnt that people are selfish not by choice... but by circumstances... Of course a character that can survive the circumstances and still not be selfish is great!... but then, not everyone is God....

And that is why I think.... they say... God willing, everything will happen.... and well... if it doesn't....

The poor Guy gets blamed...

So if God can live and survive with all of this.... why can't I .... I am just an ordinary human...


More than anything... I learnt that, if life takes away from you, it also gives you back...

Couple of years back.... I had left someone who believed in me... And a year back when I was beaten to the bottomest possible rock... That belief brought hope back in me...

He made sure that I never forget to hope.... Never forget to believe... Never forget to live...

They say... all's well that ends well.. I would say... all is well, when the bad has ended and a new beginning of hope is shown with a hand that comes towards you while there were several in the past that snatched from you....

And from HIM I've learnt to "Forgive" ...  and move on with a new belief!

A belief of believing in life.... in Him and in GOD....

So next time, you want to blame God for something human... Look for a human with GOD in him....

Think about it!
Dipankar....

Settling down... Does it really ever happen ?

How many of us have heard the lines written below ?

"It is time you settle down..."

"Great, now that you have a job, it is time you settle down..."

"Now that you've been promoted, it is time for you to settle down..."

"Wow! You've bought a car... Ab settle kar le dost!"

"You've switched jobs... better profile, better pay... that's it.... Now you have to settle down... "

Familiar phrases ? I am sure you must have heard at least one of them in your lifetime, if you haven't "settled down" yet...

Here are a few more phrases...

"Dude, buy a house man! It's time for you to settle down..."
"Bro... Trust me, invest in land... best thing to do... and then settle down in life..."
"Just take a pension and/or retirement policy and then you are settled for life..."

Well, coming to the point... This ideally is an Indian mindset..
WE think... .
If we get married, we settle down...
If we buy a house, we settle down...
If we take a cash rich retirement plan, we settle down...
If we invest in land/gold we settle down...
If we secure our child's future, we settle down...
And the best of the lot....

If we get our child married.... We as parents are done! We have completely settled down...

The question is...

When does this "settling down" end ? Or should I rephrase.... When does it actually begin ?

If you notice the pointers that I just wrote a couple of lines above...

They are sequential... They will, or rather should happen in everybody's life...

If they don't... oops! You will be perceived as someone not very successful in life...

It really doesn't matter if we enjoy living for today and the moment... We will still... be judged...

Even if we have been around the world, have enjoyed adventure sports... got drunk on the beach and ate the greatest of seafood... We will still fall under the category of an insensible person because We are spending our hard earned money... And here's the ironical part.... We are spending it on US.... and still being judged!

Ideally we should only be spending to survive and not live our life.... Ideally we are expected to save our earnings as assets in our bank and investments... for .... for.... (try answering this yourself before reading further )
 
Let me try.... For later times.... for when you will be old and will not have an apetite to enjoy seafood... For later times... when walking without a break for 10 minutes will be adventure sports...


So when does the settling down happen?

When you are married... you worry about buying a house...
When you buy the house... you try securing your child's future...
When that is done... you worry about retirement...
Then child's marraige... The list goes on....

I am not saying, one should not be doing these things...

What I am trying to home in is...
Let us not measure our lives based on these parameters....
Let us not judge someone based on the items he/she has ticked as completed tasks in the settling down checklist...

Let's LIVE... each day and every day...

Let's measure how many moments we've created with our loved ones... Let's measure on the number of times we made people smile... Let's measure life in terms of happiness and not success... Because trust me... It's fun to live! That's how I have grown up! " LIVING " ....Thanks Mom&Dad!

So... I guess... Don't settle down... Only live it up!

Think about it!
Dipankar

The invisible panic button!

It was 7 in the evening, and I was just about wrapping work after a very mentally tiring day all set to get bored and sleep, when... "Life" didnt want to let me down and chose to make the rest of my boring day interesting...

The phone went beep! beep!... "Dude, fill up... petrol bunks on strike for the next 5 days", and I was trembling to the fact that I am just about to get into my car, the fuel tank of which is filled with air, and has been waiting to gush it out to make space for fuel since a couple of days... And I CHOSE to wait, I had plans to fill this morning on my way to work..... But I chose to wait..... And now I'm looking for the PANIC Button!

Surprisingly I was calmer this time. The fact that I was terribly low on fuel didn't bother me much. I was on the verge of getting into a call, and I could actually put aside the worry and finish the call perfectly. (For those of you, who know me and are thinking in the head that I am lying. Trust me I am NOT!, I honestly didn't go hay wire and create an unnecessary dramatic situation out of nothing...) I eventually started for home. Something told me that I am not pushing my car tonight!...

In a couple of minutes, I was amidst the traffic, and I found that the whole world is different today. People were going CRAZY... I lit up a smoke, and in my head started to think, "It is probably the same set of people that are trying to go home who drive along these roads everyday, but today is different!", I mean it took me more than 4 attempts before I could cross the Jubilee Hills Check Post... Cars were cutting lanes, driving on the wrong side, stopping on green, going on red. Cops were blowing their whistles away like trumpets... And yet no order, absolutely no order!

The roads appeared to be like a war zone! It was like right out of the movies... "The aliens have attacked! Evacuation's been declared! Run for your life..." (See, I only imagine dramatic stuff these days, I don't react dramatically anymore!)

Well, couple of miles into the journey, I picked up a friend on the way. Then we both headed towards our task of the evening - Petrol Hunting!

After crossing a couple of overloaded bunks, we finally found a bunk where we managed to get into the line. We waited there for almost 40 minutes to get our turn to fill up.

A minute later... As I saw my fuel indicator rising! I felt as if I too am rising above and beyond, it was truly a magical feeling.. It felt as if we had defeated the aliens and saved the earth from an alien abduction! (Just used it like a metaphor Guys...)

Well in all of this, when the "fuel" was in the car, I sat down in peace to realize, that I didn't realize when I hit the PANIC button unknowingly... It was never there. I am sure any of you who are reading this and were in Hyderabad last night would might agree that we reacted because others were panicking.

And here is the million dollar question! Why were others panicking?

I think it's an amazing way of making the common man realize that no matter how many times the fuel price is hiked, they still need it, at any price!

I don't know, I am not saying that it was a good thought strategy! However it bloody well worked...

Now let me think....When was the last time we had such a petrol crisis ? Was it like a couple of days after the previous hike in the price?

Think about it!
Dipankar

The feeling of being low

Hi there Readers.... I know I am writing after a very long time ....in short ... Sorry!

I am very low right now while I am writing this piece.... I feel like killing my self and in order to avoid it, I am venting out my frustration like this. I am a little high on Old MOnk ..... Man, the buddha still has it in im huh! He does kick u in the head after you have gulped him entirely down ..... :)

Guys - If you are reading this, and are in a relationship.... dont read further, because you will start doubting it.......

I dont understand where are we heading to, I know people who were seeing each other for 7 years and suddenly realize they are not compatible and part ways..... People who were together for almost 12 years since school..... and all of a sudden realize that they are not made for each other is strange to digest.... Every realtionship I see around me is screwed up.... Divorces have increased in number, relationships dont last long, people are frustrated, and committment has gone on a never ending sabatical (I hope I got the spelling right, if not, please ignore.)

I have been single since 2006, and now I think I have been lucky, although I dont relate to this side of mine at all.... I look out for single women, and am always in the lookout for single women..... In my heart, I want to get into a relationship, but my mind says..... STAY away.

I am totally confused, Love today has become a rare commodity. Very difficult to rationalize with the outer world about this, and very diffficult to stick to it....

I somehow think, I have stopped making sense, so let me just stop here ....

Please ignore all my spelling mistakes and grammatical erros, it's Old Monk's fault!

All said and done, if you are in a relationship!

Thinka about it!
Dipankar

Anegundi - a paradise between nowhere!!

I always wanted to write a travelogue. I mean I do several roadtrips, many a times while passing through the undiscovered paths myriad thoughts come to my mind and I so wish to pen them down, but oops! my fingers are busy patting the steering wheel of my car to the tune I am humming while I drive through these roads, and hence I cannot do it then. By the time I come back from my trip, my best friend - 'Laziness' has already over-powered my desire to write...

So here I am sitting alone in my apartment at precisely 04:12 am in the morning, and have decided to ditch my 'Laziness' friend and get to writing or typing. (I sometimes really wonder, we don't write anymore, we type.... anyways sorry! - back to the travelogue)

My eyes were drowsy after 373 kilometres, body aching to all those multiple cramps when we finally found the route to our Guest house in Anegundi... I was shocked when the kid wearing his grand father's nickers pointed out the direction to me. There was no road and he wanted me to drive through the dry river bed of Tungabhadra....There in front of us, elegantly stood, the oldest bridge I had ever seen, it belonged to the Krishna Devaraya Dynasty and I really don't know how old but definitely must be from the B.C. times. We obviously couldn't drive over it and had to take a kaccha route adjacent to it. Strange, people back then could build a bridge, but now - a much more modern era and no bridge.... Anyways, the sight of that monument was nostalgic. It took away all the fatigue... Everyone in the car froze in time, as if we had traveled back in time....

Traveling back in time, let me take you guys to where it all began. The Diwali weekend was fast approaching and I was not going home for it. We had 3 days off and I really wanted to hit the highway as I had not done that for a long long time...

Google.com - The ace travel guru - Helped me find my destination. A 300 to 400 km drive, Asia's biggest and oldest archaeological remains, and the pictures of Shanti Guest House were reasons big enough to go to Hampi.

To be continued..... (And the laziness takes over!)

Cheers,
Dipankar

Are you disturbed ?

It's been quite some time now that I have been contemplating the idea of getting onto my blogger dashboard, pressing the 'New post' button and to start writing. Believe me, I have tried doing this numerous times in the last one year but have successfully failed. And now I wonder why?

Have I become too busy in life that I am not finding time for myself to do something that I treasure doing ?... Or have I become too lazy to give direction to my thoughts and channelize them into words ?... Or have I lost my charm ?... Thoughts that used to easily get converted into words and were effortlessly poured out onto the canvas (Well, I wanted to say 'canvas' because it sounds so dramatic, what I mean is the post text box) have now stopped coming out...

Why ???

I think it's none of the above, I was, and probably am just too disturbed that I could not concentrate. Mind you, I know the minute you've read the word disturbed you are thinking - What's wrong with him, and what is troubling him so much?. We humans have always had the habit of typecasting, so usually disturbed is typecasted as bad, which is not always true.

'Disturbed' to me is a state of mind attained due to some external force/incident that has occured, now this incident can be 'Bad', but it also can be 'Good', and hence I would say I have been disturbed mentally, but for myriad reasons - good & bad.

Having said that, let me contradict my own self. Have things not happened with me in the past which should have disturbed me ? The answer is 'Yes', then why is it that now I am ever so disturbed that I cannot concentrate ?

Have you ever kept staring at something for a long time without even looking at it ?

Have you come back from a vacation and after the very first day in office, felt like you are stressed all over again and need a break badly ?

Have you tried sitting on a perch concentrating hard onto something and failed ?

Have you delayed something important because you didnt want to do it then ?

Have you felt miserable opening the lock of your door every night after you've returned home from work ?

Have you partied hard all through out the weekend and found no time for yourself during the week?

Have you felt that every relationship that you know of is very complicated...

Do you get entangled in your thoughts, and then after a while you forget what you were initially thinking ?

I've lived through all these feelings (good & bad) and trust me, everytime it was just too busy for my head... And then I cut myself from the world and started thinking.... and this is what I realized...

It is only a 'State of the mind' and it weakens us with every passing day. We become emotionally weak as we grow and that is why we need a family to sustain ourselves, rejuvenate and recharge ourselves after every downfall or rising...

Think about it!
Dipankar

My incidence with innocence !

From the day I was born till today, I always have tried hard to 'grow up' - as the oldies prefer to mention... I desperately wanted to grow up real quick to be a responsible, sensible and practical human being.... A perfect human being... Someone who undergoes proper education, strives and finds a good job to start a commendable career, shapes up good morals and values, performs at optimum levels without "Phal ke iccha", someone who is always there for his friends, someone who will go beyond scope to make sure that the needs are met let that be a project, a troubled friend, a distressed colleague or a stranger in need. Someone who respects his innocence as much as his maturity.... But I guess I was wrong...

Innocence and maturity don't go hand in hand... If you are trying to grow up and retrieve your innocence, you are definitely heading Nowhere!!!

The oldies ask children to be sensible in life, but they themselves fight like hooligans to satisfy their 'Ego'....

The oldies teach children to share, then why do they forget it themselves...

The oldies ask children to study hard and perform, then why do they channelize efforts to find ways to evade work!

The oldies teach their children not to bitch! ... But that is their favourite time pass in their so called offices!!!

The oldies teach their children to never lie... But they themselves play around with words using them interestingly to manipulate...

Hence, the day we are all set to bid adieu to our innocence.... We grow up !!!

Incidentally I realized that innocence is what has driven me so far... and innocence it will be, to take me forward.... If that means I can't grow up, I would prefer being a child all my life!!!

Think about it!
Dipankar