Hello Readers, a very happy and a prosperous new year to all of you and a happy Valentine's Day. I know it is long since my last post......
I had several subjects in mind but was just not able to steal time from myself to do this. Even today I am loaded with work, but it's just that, today, I wanted to write........ I wanted to express......... I wanted to (probably) vent.
I have been through a roller coaster ride of emotions since my last post, I have cried, I have laughed, I have screamed, I have silenced out, I have been indifferent, I have felt neglected, I have enjoyed happiness, I have acknowledged grief, I have been humorous, I have been sarcastic. I know these are emotions we feel regularly, but the difference in the last two months or so has been that whatever I felt, I have felt to extremities. And now I realize, all that drills down to one thing - THE FEELING OF INSECURITY
Everybody is INSECURED in life. Initially I used to think that there are three types of insecurity which people face. Some have insecurity of position, reputation, fame, some are insecured in relationships, and then there is a third type of insecurity - The most strange kind and of course the most interesting one as well - The insecurity of being "oneself". But then I realised that insecurity of being oneself is an outcome of the first two types and hence my thought process changed.
Hence according to me there are no types of insecurity, there are
"LEVELS OF INSECURITY"
If you have the fear of losing your job, your reputation as a team player, your skill as a resource you are at the first level.
If you have the fear of losing your family, friends and people of your concern then you are at the next level.
But when you have the fear that your worst nightmares are coming true, when your best friend tells you that he/she will never leave you but you still have the fear of losing him/her..... when you love someone like crazy but you not only know but believe that nothing can ever happen for the good with her/him and you silence out............... when you miss your folks so much that you catch the next flight home.... when you're fearful that you will hurt yourself at every turn your life takes ...... when you are sitting in an empty amphitheatre and you still feel claustrophobic ........ when you want to say Hi to someone but you really dont know what next will you ask/tell once he/she responds and you stay quiet .... when you keep staring at someone awkwardly and they still make a conciuos effort not to look back to avoid a probable eyelock..... when there is sufficient air in your lungs but you still can't breathe..... when you want something to happen so badly that you turn superstitiuos all of a sudden.... when you're emotionally so weak and vulnerable like a balloon filled with water waiting for that fine pinch to burst out....... when you go back to your hometown and you have many places to spend the night but no home to sleep ...... when you realize the difference of "staying alone" and "being lonely"..... when you're scared as to how life will treat you ..........
YOU ARE AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF INSECURITY.
Which level are you in ?????
Think about it !!!
Dipankar
