It's been quite some time now that I have been contemplating the idea of getting onto my blogger dashboard, pressing the 'New post' button and to start writing. Believe me, I have tried doing this numerous times in the last one year but have successfully failed. And now I wonder why?
Have I become too busy in life that I am not finding time for myself to do something that I treasure doing ?... Or have I become too lazy to give direction to my thoughts and channelize them into words ?... Or have I lost my charm ?... Thoughts that used to easily get converted into words and were effortlessly poured out onto the canvas (Well, I wanted to say 'canvas' because it sounds so dramatic, what I mean is the post text box) have now stopped coming out...
Why ???
I think it's none of the above, I was, and probably am just too disturbed that I could not concentrate. Mind you, I know the minute you've read the word disturbed you are thinking - What's wrong with him, and what is troubling him so much?. We humans have always had the habit of typecasting, so usually disturbed is typecasted as bad, which is not always true.
'Disturbed' to me is a state of mind attained due to some external force/incident that has occured, now this incident can be 'Bad', but it also can be 'Good', and hence I would say I have been disturbed mentally, but for myriad reasons - good & bad.
Having said that, let me contradict my own self. Have things not happened with me in the past which should have disturbed me ? The answer is 'Yes', then why is it that now I am ever so disturbed that I cannot concentrate ?
Have you ever kept staring at something for a long time without even looking at it ?
Have you come back from a vacation and after the very first day in office, felt like you are stressed all over again and need a break badly ?
Have you tried sitting on a perch concentrating hard onto something and failed ?
Have you delayed something important because you didnt want to do it then ?
Have you felt miserable opening the lock of your door every night after you've returned home from work ?
Have you partied hard all through out the weekend and found no time for yourself during the week?
Have you felt that every relationship that you know of is very complicated...
Do you get entangled in your thoughts, and then after a while you forget what you were initially thinking ?
I've lived through all these feelings (good & bad) and trust me, everytime it was just too busy for my head... And then I cut myself from the world and started thinking.... and this is what I realized...
It is only a 'State of the mind' and it weakens us with every passing day. We become emotionally weak as we grow and that is why we need a family to sustain ourselves, rejuvenate and recharge ourselves after every downfall or rising...
Think about it!
Dipankar