"Trust is the most important thing in any kind of relationship". Wait a minute !!! read it again " Trust is the most important thing in any kind of relationship"
Generally whenever we refer to something irrelavent we call it a 'thing' - And we are calling "Trust" - a thing - does that mean that it is irrelavent in a relationship ???
I think this makes very little sense and a more apt statement can be " Trust is Relationship " - You trust - You have a relationship, You don't trust and you still have a relationship - it's an "Obligation".
So what do you have with your family, friends, colleagues - a relationship or an obligation ??
Give it a good thought before you read further !!!
I, from my personal experience have learnt few lessons on trust which life has taught me and believe me they are quite interesting and hence I thought this subject would be apt for my next blog. I know not many people read my blogs presently but I hope sooner or later people will be reading it. I hope the readers liked "FLight Mode" and hope that they'll like this one too.
To begin with, let me define TRUST from my understanding :
Trust to me is an expression of fear and panic, when the locus of control of this fear/panic is external we feel more comfortable and relaxed. Did I make sense ??? For examle when I was an infant I always felt safe and comfortable when I was in my father's or mother's arms. I trusted them the most. I didnt have the understanding to recognize them as my parents then, but I still was free from all fear when I was with them, Why ??? because............ my locus of control was with them and not me.
We say trust - building activity is important to grow relationships. I think the whole concept is wrong, because if it is right, then do we attend a trust building activity before taking birth - NO - then why do we trust our parents the most from day one all our lives.
Hence trust does not build relationships , trust is relationship or rather a relationship builds trust between two people.
The other thing which I learnt is that Trust is like a radioactive material within ourselves and it decays from birth till death, it is also the shift of locus of control from external to internal., basically a shift from an impulsive to decisive mode. As we grow, our impulsive nature subsides and our decisive nature takes over. When I was in school I always found it very easy to make friends whom I trusted and they are friends for life. When I went to college I was a little bit cautious in choosing friends whom I could trust and some of them surely are still my friends for life, now, when I am a professional, life has made me very cautious in making friends who I can trust. So basically as I grew I had to take my decisions........ the locus of control slowly shifted within me making me more cautious because my TRUST METER is basically .......................decaying - my impulsive nature is dying .....
So friends, never base a relationship on trust ............... it might just die out someday ........ make relationship your trust .................. and trust me, if you can understand what I am trying to say and religiously try and follow this, you will never ask your partner " Do you trust me ? " coz if he/she is still your partner that itself means that there is a relationship............... that there is trust.
Think about it !!!
Dipankar
7 comments:
Hello,
I appreciate your thoughts dear ,but i do believe that every relationship begins with trust
You are really good with words.
keep up your good work!!!
Awaiting for your next post.
Thnaks.
First of all, that was another good attempt. Why did I call it an attempt? It’s always very difficult to agree/disagree when one speaks on any of the social science topics. This particular one was quite different from the "Flight mode" and that’s a good sign. Coz in blogging people usually start sticking to a same kind of stuff. i.e. only stream of thought of a person is expressed. You got play different beats. I believe blogs is one of the best ways to express one's personality.
I am not sure if you are reading column in the editorial of any leading newspaper. They are best possible “blogs” which I personally come across. Read those of Sashi Tarror, Bachi Karkaria etc…they give a good insight.
http://www.changingminds.org/explanations/trust/what_is_trust.htm
http://www.mehtanirav.com/2005/08/28/what-is-trust
Off course wiki has a few links too.
Note: It’s not just always what you feel about “stuff”. It’s very important the you put it together.
Another note: I am not good at writing “blogs”. So b4 u consider my words, think again.
Dips --- I think Trust is a function of confidence, honesty, faith and belief
Well said ---- As we grow, our mind controls our actions than our feelings. Relationships at school, college and office. I think “maturity” of the individuals plays a major role in developing “trust”. Convenient relationships forged between individuals, like minded for a particular time period, situation, individual, and common cause will only end up in a re-alignment. As long as external factors influence relationships, you can never ever find “trust”. Only internal stimuli will creates genuine relationships and thus “TRUST”.
What drives you most internal or external factors?
Keep coming.....love ur thoughts...
ok firstly u gotta tell me how u do this blogging thing..
i dunno wat got into u while u wrote all this..but locus n stuff???dude...anyway it was a really nice thought but so typically bluto..i mean dipankar!!mayb coz i know u that well..
but i somehow didnt understand the part where u mentioned,"Trust to me is an expression of fear and panic, when the locus of control of this fear/panic is external we feel more comfortable and relaxed". do u mean to say u are not comfortable now?n u do need some amount of fear to trust and once there is trust there is no fear anymore.for instance u put a lock on the door coz of fear from theft n u trust the lock.then there's this place where the doors are never locked,its a temple,(simpi told me bout this),coz there is trust n no fear.
then in the last part u totally contradicted urself...read carefully..
"when I am a professional, life has made me very cautious in making friends who I can trust."...this means u ve become so choosy that u first c if u can trust a person n only then u get into a relationship with him or her!!is that wat u trying to say??
but b4 that wat u wrote was...
"trust does not build relationships , trust is relationship or rather a relationship builds trust between two people."dont u think it contradicts wat u said later?.its true that relationships build trust n its being rational or irrational,i feel ,rather than being impulsive and decisive that makes u more cautious in life.
but all said and done..it was a nice thought and very provoking i must say..n it did make sense..try avoid using heavy duty words though like "locus"..it makes it difficult to understand.!!
Hey!! That was a nice attempt. Provoking line of thought. I think Trust is just a control element. A condition that you put on to ones mind. Not what a relation brings in. You impose it on the mind. This puts you in a tricky situation. When u trust a person, you start to predict or expect thier behaviour. When there is a deviation, you console saying that I trust this person. This is an attemp to keep the relation in tact. I think its more of control imposed on the mind than a feeling. And ofcourse, a very important element to keep the life going. Without trust, not a minute passes peacefully in life. Just think about it, how many people or things we trust in every moment or an instance. Amazing.
Thank you all for your lovely comments and thoughts on TRUST... I surely trust you enjoyed this little debate of ours. I really appreciate all your thoughts and POVs.... What I fail to understand... none of us feel the same way about TRUST .... Nevertheless thanks again to all, and keep reading...
I don't think we can classify a single thing to be the most or least important. The priority also depends on the couple as well. For some, having fun is the most important, for others, romance is. I wish relationships were as black and white as we want 'em to be.
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