It's been quite some time now that I have been contemplating the idea of getting onto my blogger dashboard, pressing the 'New post' button and to start writing. Believe me, I have tried doing this numerous times in the last one year but have successfully failed. And now I wonder why?
Have I become too busy in life that I am not finding time for myself to do something that I treasure doing ?... Or have I become too lazy to give direction to my thoughts and channelize them into words ?... Or have I lost my charm ?... Thoughts that used to easily get converted into words and were effortlessly poured out onto the canvas (Well, I wanted to say 'canvas' because it sounds so dramatic, what I mean is the post text box) have now stopped coming out...
Why ???
I think it's none of the above, I was, and probably am just too disturbed that I could not concentrate. Mind you, I know the minute you've read the word disturbed you are thinking - What's wrong with him, and what is troubling him so much?. We humans have always had the habit of typecasting, so usually disturbed is typecasted as bad, which is not always true.
'Disturbed' to me is a state of mind attained due to some external force/incident that has occured, now this incident can be 'Bad', but it also can be 'Good', and hence I would say I have been disturbed mentally, but for myriad reasons - good & bad.
Having said that, let me contradict my own self. Have things not happened with me in the past which should have disturbed me ? The answer is 'Yes', then why is it that now I am ever so disturbed that I cannot concentrate ?
Have you ever kept staring at something for a long time without even looking at it ?
Have you come back from a vacation and after the very first day in office, felt like you are stressed all over again and need a break badly ?
Have you tried sitting on a perch concentrating hard onto something and failed ?
Have you delayed something important because you didnt want to do it then ?
Have you felt miserable opening the lock of your door every night after you've returned home from work ?
Have you partied hard all through out the weekend and found no time for yourself during the week?
Have you felt that every relationship that you know of is very complicated...
Do you get entangled in your thoughts, and then after a while you forget what you were initially thinking ?
I've lived through all these feelings (good & bad) and trust me, everytime it was just too busy for my head... And then I cut myself from the world and started thinking.... and this is what I realized...
It is only a 'State of the mind' and it weakens us with every passing day. We become emotionally weak as we grow and that is why we need a family to sustain ourselves, rejuvenate and recharge ourselves after every downfall or rising...
Think about it!
Dipankar
9 comments:
Thinking...Will be back...
Nice thought :)
I am wondering.... why I am not disturbed? Is nothing good or bad happening with me?
“A State of mind” well said and i agree as i face this for almost 5yrs now!
Well, in my opinion thoughts are what transforming this mindset to actions. So I think food for thought will influence the state of mind to a great extent. Family sure can help, but even more is a true friend or a life time companion will have a real impact on the mindset. :)
when u say "it is a state of mind",i believe u r referring to being disturbed.but i somehow cannot understand how does it make u emotionally weak?mayb not all the time coz there r moments when the external forces gives u the push or the motivation to perform and rise to the occasion.
distraction shud never b over looked and since u were distracted u cudn't find time for blogging..that's wat i feel.
I think you need to stop thinking hard....Also you need to present in the moment..Will suggest you start reading few books including "The Present". Take things easy man :):)
Thanks Guys.... And I so rightly said that we humans always typecast! .. hehehe anyways thank you all for your comments,
@ Nidhi - Dont worry Nidhi, nothing bad is happening with you, hence you are not disturbed at all! and moreover you have a family to go back to..... :)
@Gary - I agree with you that family can be anyone! Your best friend can be family to you....
@Appu - U said it mate! I think I am distracted, but I guess every incident that happened in the last couple of months, influenced these thoughts. Good - promotion to bad - Ron episode .... but yes it is a state of the mind!
And Nayan bhai ... mera bday abhi abhi gaya hai .. so u can still gift me that book ;)
thoughts are never bad or gud its just what you are thinking.(but some)U stand and think what you are and where r you belong its still make u thinking "do u disturbed"
How do ya always tell a story which is common in most of our lives...How do you read it so quick..Guess,ya had any formal training in reading the minds of people around ya ...or do all Bongs think the same ...Im wondering..
Hello papai, i applogise for being slow in responding to your blog, i think u r disturbed but, u r using it a lot casually , let me enlighten u ,i think u r fighting with your memory, memory gd or bad r good , r worth remembering , unless u have to deal with them , relative failure in the past which affect the present, which reflect state of order r worth contemplating , but , secondary moments gd or bad r to be relished, they make u wiser, i feel.u kind of become lalu prasad yadav not shashi tharoor, i think u have not been able to make peace with your past ,if something is still lurking in some corner of your mind then, express it to the respective person.
As a person in life , i think u rely more on your creative skills rather than personal relationships, but , do remember creative people need solid backing . Not being able to write or justify your imagined creative desires is somewhere making u guilty & maybe, u have started to doubt your commitment towards this type of creative pursuit , which u felt u did posses once. Subjectively, wishing to climb everest , while u started blogging & for some reason straying from your goal make u feel like a fallen ( into a more deeper trench), but, i don't think it's true , Actually it's a case of half cathexes & full cathexes, cathexes means channelizing your emotional mental energy on an object or an idea,this is something of a more of a psychological idea, when u put up your mind & soul on a certain idea like writing & u make up aims in your mind & if u don't accomplish them on one go or rhythm , then u never accomplish the original aim, this is in grained in the human psyche for ages , since, man has betrayed aims and goals midway from time immemorial , so , it starts playing upon your mind & any goal which u have abandoned midway never reaches its originally perceived target , which every man has & going into a bit into ur personal space, even u do have this kind of baggage & this later becomes the half cathexes, for the former(ful cathexes) u need small goals, let me tell u, what happens tothe later(half cathexes), thes r secondary aims, which u enjoy doing but, won't like to put it into the public space( no competition), they r like hobbies.Next time(couple of days), i'll touch your secondary judgmental nature & explain the psychological dimension to it.I think u r too hard upon yourself, too many illusions of gd & bad...lol
Note: Use all your past experience to deal with the present,this will enrich & help your art to grow , Don't depend upon too much of nasha(stick &spirit)for your creativity, if not like dhuaa , creativity hawa mein ghuul jayeega...waqt ke saath
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